Last Week

Last Thursday we were able to play again and i do not know what it is the monster keeps coming out of Sir.

He whispers in my ear growling and say you will not be allowed to come unless I want you to no matter how much you beg. I whimpered and moaned knowing this was going to be a wild ride. You see when he grabs me by the throat and lets go I will come for him it is just what I programed myself to do, So even when he did that I had to wait and also breathing on the back of my neck like what a dragon would do makes me come now he programed that into me. I could not come when he did that either.

He strapped my wrist together and put on our new blindfold, which was new and i do not like to much because it is dark and I can not see any day light at all.

Sir has me my wrist strapped with the blindfold and just left me there i will be back for you he said. I started to breathe hard wondering what he was doing my mind was going on in my head pondering what was going to happen to me.

Sir came back whispering in my ear again no coming I will send you on the edge but you will not come unless I want you to. I nodded so he knew I understood.

Sir brought me into are dinning room and hooked my ears up to thr closet door in there, then I knew what was going to happen. He grabs the flogger I felt the first impacted smack I jump hard feeling it bite back. He did this for awhile after awhile I was asking to come. No he said in a very strict voice you will come when I want you to.

He growled in my ear breathing on the back of my neck I shuddered and moaned wishing I could come at the point and he also said I am going to work you up until you beg me to have  my cock into you.

I shivered again knowing this is going to be a long play time and started to breathe hard stilling feeling the bite of the flogger still blindfold not knowing when it was going to hit and smack again.

Sir got the cane out I felt the bite of the cane cracking hard on my ass and I jumped really hard moaning and asking again could I please come again he growled in my ear making me feel how dare I asked again because I knew what the answer would be but he also likes it when I do ask him.

Sir then brought me back into the room growling again, then I saw my worst fear that was going to happen he was going to use the wand on me with my glass dildo.

He started to use the wand on me and put the cold glass dildo in my hot pussy longing for his cock inside me but I did not beg for his cock yet he knew I was getting close though.

Sir used the wand on my clit putting it on high feeling the glass dildo sliding in and out of me slowly for awhile then he got evil he would bring me to the edge of coming and I was breathing harder wanting to come wondering if I would come at all that day.

Sir then put the wand on high making the dildo going in and out of pussy longer shaking it back and forth on my g- spot makiing it harder to obey , then would stop the wand and glass didlo not able to come.

I believe it was about 4 times that he brought me to the edge and would just stopped making me hang.

Sir then saw me wanting to come even more Sir then grabbed the towel and he said come for me little one I came so hard I squirted I started to cry that is how much I wanted to come. Again he used the glass dildo making come again I started to cry again feeling relieved that I was able to come, but if he would not have let me come I would have obeyed him no matter what.

I then begged Sir please can I have your cock into me he smiled at when and got on top of me I  still could not come unless he told me to. Sir fucked me hard not giving me a chance to breathe in the air you could hear my moans. He let me come a few times and then we came together and what a play time that was and of course I was high in subspace.

Sir made sure he did not hurt me when I started to cry because I do have some problems with pain do to the prolapse. I am very happy he can be rough with me again without pain.

Sir thank you very much for loving me and caring for me and being a great husband and Dom.

Lurkers

Well today is love our lurkers day, so all the lurkers that have not commented on my post before would you please leave comment it could be about anything. Where you are from and who you are and also have links to your blogs if you have one, so you can also get hits on your blog. If you are shy you do not need to be I do not bite lol and I am just curious who is out there lurkering around.

The Monster Came Out Again Saturday In Public

Sir and I went to the flog that we have not been to for awhile, so Sir wanted to make sure that we got time to play there because we live in the apartment. He did not know how loud we were going to get, so he brought his paddles, canes, belts, and 1 of his new toys he made from a messed up belt, which hurts like a bitch.

We wait for awhile because there was a person doing fire play and Sir wanted us to use what that guy was using, so we waited for at least 45 mins I think. What Sir wanted me to use was a St. Andrews Cross, so when the guy was done we went up I got undress, but you still have to wear underwear there a bra, or pasties, which I wore pasties because you can not be  nude.

Are right let me get back to what happen that night, after I got dressed I went up to the cross I was like telling myself you are in for it now and I wanted to make sure that I went into subspace, also.

Sir the whispered in my ear little one I am not going to be easy on you tonight and he growled into my ear I just shivered and started to slowly go into my subspace i like to be in. Sir start with his hand smack I felt a blow to my ass I jumped a little then another came but even harder.

After the warm up I had he went to started on the paddle another hit on my ass and it was not soft it was hard I jumped again and took a breath with lust in my eyes I wanted more. When he was done with the paddles the canes came out, which I knew I was going to really need to hold on because it was going to hurt. Smack he hit me with the first blow I moaned and moved. Sir growled in my ear again and said you did not think the monster would come out in public I nodded and then he started with his handy work again.

While he whispered in my ear he pulled my hair, so he could look into my eyes because he loves looking in my ass when he hurts me because my eyes get really glassy from suspace. Another blow on my ass with the cane i did not count how many with the first cane.

Sir got the secone cane out,which hurts more and I made sure to be ready for this one and held on tight for the ride like a roller coaster. Smack another hard hit and another big moan he got out of me I shivered yet again wanting and waiting for another blow to my abused ass already. Then he got the belt and jingle it into my ears to make sure I knew what was coming next. I peaked with every blow that hit my ass and saw how hard Sir was slamming it into my ass it hit my ass, so hard I put my leg up. Sir told me I do not want you to put that leg up i tried my hardest but man  it hurt, when I did it again he smacked my leg with it and said what did I tell you.

After the belt he went back to the cane for a few strokes and then he got his new toy he made out I knew this one was going to hurt again i got ready for the blows on my ass that was on firer. He slammed it hard again after another i moaned with every blow, then he got his belt out again. He was using most of them like he was swinging a baseball bat i saw his shadow on the wall i just even now shiver just thinking about.

After a few more hits he asked me do you need more I said Sir it is up to you, but I asked you do you need more I then thought awhile did i really want more and I nodded to him. Sir then laid into me again feeling the belt bite  my ass hard watching every swing from his shadow.

Sir then told me 2 more and they were very hard that I moaned and put my leg up feeling again every bite on my ass.

Sir helped me get down and had me sit down i was deep in my suspace and could hardly dress me and move because i was, so high from the subspace. Sir and I left and went to a bar I wanted to get relaxed when we had sex, so we had a few drinks.

After the bar we went home and took a shower but I was still floating and a little drunk ok maybe a lot, so I hurried up and asked Sir if I could get out Sir said yes and told me to use  my wand without cumming while he took his shower I whimpered and said yes Sir.

I used my wand until he was done and then he came out I begged to cum he said not yet little one I moaned and whimpered again. Sir then took the wand from me and got inside me I was ready I wanted to come, but he told me I  had to beg I could not even come while being beat about an hour before.

Sir fucked me hard with no mercy my eyes looking in his pleading to come he just ignored my pleads and kept thrusting hard inside me I begged still it was a no I just waited with my eyes pleading Then Sir grabbed my throat for a few seconds and said cum for me little one I came hard for him. He smiled at me and kept fucking me hard over and over again my eyes pleading.

A few more mins went by and he let me cum a few more times i squirted a few times for him and he was very happy and pleased he kissed me and said I love you. I looked into his eyes and told him the same and then he helped me drink water. Even though the monster comes out of him every now and then the monster his caring after we play.

Sir I love you very much thank you for a night I needed and not being easy on me.

Monday Night

Well Sept.21 I took Sirs collar 2 years ago I can not believe it has been that long and then time went by pretty fast. I have grown a lot and have felt that we have gotten closer in having Sir take control of some of things in my life to better myself.

At first it was hard to let him and trust him because I was not used to giving it to him, so there was punishment to help me get through not trusting and just not doing the rules he wanted me to do. After while it did not take to long to give him that trust that I needed to give him, also he has made me do things I did not like but he wanted me to do them and try different things. He has told me it means more to him if i do not want to do something and I do it anyway that I submit to what he wants me to do and yes he has pushed me out of my confort zone, which was hard for me.

He does take good care of me and I do feel his love one of the things I love about him is he comes to my work and gives me a kiss before he goes to his work when he has to work and I work the overnights. Everday he tells me how much he loves me and he is great to me.

Sir I love you thank you for caring for me, loving me, also letting me submit to you when I asked you if we could do this. We have both grown together and have had to be patient with one another. You are the best husband to me and I hope we have more years that I can submit to you.

Another Talk

Well Sir and i had another talk and we have decided to adjust one of my rules about blogging I asked if I could blog once a week for awhile and I wanted to blog more than once a week instead of 3 times a week because working and everthing thing else is getting to be to much mostly cause I am not getting enough sleep. I have not been able to see Sir very much and only can sleep with him twice a week.

I try to be happy as I can but it is just not happening right now and I feel bad I am very emotional and sometimes I hate emotions because you might not know what you are feeling or why you are feeling the way you do.

Sir is being very supported and understanding that is why I love him so much ansd he is a very caring Dom to me and takes good care of me.

I do not know if this blog maked much sense because I just got off work and it is hard to think what I am trying to say.

I do thank everyone that comes and visits my blog and I hope everyone will be patient for awhile.

Another time this week I will prolly blog because Sir and I had a great time on my days off last week. Well i am going to get sleep now I hope everyone has a great day.

Death

Well today is the anniversary for 7 years that my mom died she was very young only 54 and I just can not believe that it has been that long since she died. She had a lot of health problems a lot of it was with her heart and she also smoked, which doctors told her she needed to quit or she would die. She just could not quit smoking she smoked for over 30 years.

What she had was a heart attack and she fell face down on the street someone found her and started to do CPR until the paramedics they were able to get her to come back but she was under for 17 mins, so she had a lot of brain damage.

I found out 2 days later she had no brain waves and the suggested I take her off life support , which is one of the things that was the hardest thing to do in my all life.

She stayed alive another 2 months, which I think was crazy she lasted that long without brain waves. I thought maybe since i was not ready for her to die she stayed alive until I was ready to let her go.

The years have gotten a little easier and there might be years it will be hard again and we had such a bond since I was born. I loved her very much I also missed about 8 years of my life without her because my parents got a divorce and she lost custody of when I was 6 years i was suppose to live with her full time for 3 years something happen that she lost me.

That was part of it that made her go down hill and start smoking, drinking, and doing drugs because she said she had a nervous break down and then it started showing she had mental problems.

The years I missed with her were very hard and my dad remarried again but I could never bond with my stepmom and missed my mom very much with the years we missed.

Well this is a sad post I know but I just miss her dearly.

Yesterday I Was Tormented Even More

Well Sir decided it he wanted to torment me even more even though my punishment is finished. When Sir got home yesterday He took me over his knee and started to spank me the spankings I love of course. He told me I will not be able to come until he gives me permission and it will prolly would be late that night.

For about a half and hour he spanked me and said I think I should be evil you can come but only a small one and then you are cut off from comimg until I say and of course I moaned.

When he was done spanking me he started to use the wand on me while spanking me also for awhile, which made me need to come right awayI did beg Sir to let me come he said no.

After he was done spanking me I got farther on the bed laying with my belly down he started to fuck me while using the wand on me and of course I can not come. lol

I moaned with every stroke he did with his cock and feeling the wand on my clit I really wanted to come even more he still would not let me. He wanted me horny all night we were going to a party at Hooters and he wanted me to be horny rnough to keep looking at the girls breast and butt. lol

Well I was very horny and was looking at them I also would look at him with pleading eyes hoping he would let me cum he looked at me and said no. We were there for a couple of hours and we left to go some where to get something to eat because at Hooters the people having the party had very little food and we did not really find anything on the menu we wanted.

We went to go get somethig to eat and drank a big ass long Island Ice Tea I really got a big buzz and I also get really horny when I am drunk after while we went outside to talk to a friend in the parking lot for over and hour so we could drive.

When that was over Sir decided to take a different way home where it was dark and he then took me  outside the car and left me come hard outside while he was rubbing my pussy I came really hard for Sir he was very pleased and then we left. I felt better because I had my release and was floating with pleasure.

We then we came home and went to bed, which was nice I could sleep with Sir since I worked for 5 days we had not slept together.

The Punishment Is Over

Well Sir decided to let me come early than wait on Saturday i guess it was because he saw improvement on my part i have been keeping the rules so far. Sir had sex with me and let me come I was very surprised because he did not let me know I was going to be able to.

Yesterday was a very moody day for me it is just because I am not happy at my job and i will feel trapped until I feel trapped untill I get another job. My boss keeps having me on graveyard shift and now it is full time graveyard. My boss has not get his promise he told me that he would either get me off this shift or have another person work it for me.

We I am still on it and it is really pissing Sir and I off and I have told my boss that I did not want to work it because of the robbery, so I am lookig for a job.

Well tonight I think Sir is goig to spank me because he wants to not because I am being punished plus I want a spanking. I had to put in something positive at the end of this post.

Everyone that comment on my last post thanks and for all the suggestions.

I am also falling asleep as I am typing this posting, so I need to go to sleep

Punishment

Well as of today I got punished For breaking 4 rules for awhile just Sir has had no time to punish me for them of course he might have been waiting to see if I would start up again.

Sir does not like to punish me, so it is hard for him to do it. He also knows that I am on a bad shift at work working graveyard shift but it really is no excuse on my part. I only have 6 rules I should be able to keep  up with them they are for my own good.

When Sir got home he told me to strip and then stand in the corner until he got changed for going to the pool. Well I thought it was going to be just that but it was not cause he had to use the restroom also.

I waited feeling my stomach turning with butterflies knowing I was going to become after the corner time.

He told me then to come to him and he opened our toy box for what he was going to use on me my worst fear came before my eyes he picked the thing I hate the most and he only uses it for punishment. This thing is a coax cable and it hurts like a bitch he told me I will get 8 hits with it 2 for every rules broken. He said I am to count every single one of them After that we went to the pool for awhile and again I confessed that I think he was to easy on me and he said oh we are not done by a long shot.

He told me I am to get 8 more with the bigger coax cable and I am not going to be able to orgasm for at least 2 days with a lot of torment. I do not know why but it really hurts me inside not to be able to orgasm when we have sex and I can not come with him at the end. When we were done with the pool and we were in our room Sir told me to get the cable for him another worst thing I hate.

I got the cable for him and gave it to him I then laid flat on the bed belly down of course. He gave me 2 strokes for everyone again and told me what rule that I was going to be spanked for each one of them and I was to count everyone of them again.

These were a lot harder than the last ones I did have a hard time counting them since they were that hard, also I jumped with every single stroke.

When the spanking was done He had me start to suck him for a few minutes and then I asked him he wanted me to get on top of him, so he laid down I got on top of him.

He started to fuck me hard he was not easy on me and I do not know why but every time I am not allowed to come I feel like I need to every single time. He did this for a few minutes he then came and my heart was sad because I could not come with him.

I am not allowed to come for 2 and a half days until he tells me I can and I am to use my wand at least 20 minutes without coming in those days.

One rule I have a hard time with is blogging I get discourage when I do not get a few comments on my blog and know if anyone is reading them I am just saying how I feel it does not mean I am trying to pressure anyone to do so it is just me.

Sir has told me me over and over again that I should not worry about that because this is like a diary.

Sir I am sorry for breaking those rules I will try my hardest not to break them anymore since there was no excuse for me to break them. I love you I am sorry I had to make it hard for you because I know you do not like to punish me.

Friday and Work

Friday i was really proud of myself my daughter and I did laundry without Sir doing it I wanted to surprise him by washing clothes and folding them and putting them away. I got up early and got the girls up at 9am, then we started the laundry. I even went to the bank to get more quarters, so I could wash all the clothes.

It took a couple of hours but at least we could surprise Sir you see when I am always working graveyard shift I am to tired to do laundry, so Sir and the girls do laundry.

I even put his clothes away for him, which I felt proud of doing also, so when he came home he was surprised and very thankful that I did that for him and said I was a good girl.

Well Friday i went back to work it was ok not to bad as I expected because Fridays we are normally very busy in the summer time. Since I was suspended for a week I work and 1 hour and a 1/2 extra. I am looking for another job itis time to move on , which sucks I do like the job, but my boss has broken 2 promises he made to me.

He told me since I was not comfortable working graveyard shift he would get me off of it, or put someone one that shift with me but no he has not sone that, which means I got to quit.

The robbery was a very bad thing that happen to me and I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if it is going to happen again. It did happen twice but with another person I do not know what I would have done if it happen twice to me.

I hope everyone ha a great day.